Connection Therapy Relationships by Simon Brown

Simon G Brown has studied macrobiotics since 1980 and authored many books, including Modern Day Macrobiotics, Macrobiotics for Life and Practical Wabi Sabi.

In past issues of the magazine Simon has introduced us to Macrobiotics, Wabi Sabi, Meditation and more.

This month Simon tells us all about Feng Shui for Business Success
Relationships are potentially the part of our lives where we can feel the greatest joy and misery. We are essentially herding creatures that tend to work, live and relax with other people. Whether it is with lovers, family, friends, colleagues or casual acquaintances the quality of our interactions can be life changing.

More than that it seems that our survival depended on teamwork and forming communities. We appear to come wired with the desire to be valued, please and win praise. Our adult relationships can be based on our childhood relationships with our parents. There are lots of self imposed rules and regulations concerning how we relate to each other. Sometimes these are helpful but can also lead us away from being our true authentic self. It could be that part of being healthy is to enjoy healthy relationships with people.

The way we connect to another human being often defines our relationship with that person. In my experience there is a huge difference between my making a genuine, sincere connection with someone, compared to me using that interaction to impress someone. I would suggest that there are five key ways of thinking that can get in the way of making a true connection with someone and those are making assumptions, being judgmental, having expectations, making comparisons and thinking in terms of absolutes.

ASSUMPTIONS
It is very difficult not to make assumptions about people. Even with a lot of practices and being aware of this human tendency I still find it hard not to drift into making some assumptions. Perhaps it is part of our human survival skills. When relationships break down the people involved are often making assumptions about each other. "He doesn't care", "She's lost interest". Unless we can get inside the other persons heart and mind we will never know.

One interesting way to change a relationship is to really listen to what is being said and to try not to give that another meaning or to make an assumption based on a statement. So if Mike said to me "I do not like your writing," I could choose to interpret that as I am no good at writing or make the assumption that Mike does not like me, thinks I am useless or has something against me. In reality all that was expressed is that he did not like my writing, no more.

It is when we can stay with the reality of what happens in a relationship that we begin to get rid of all the emotional clutter that can drown us in unhelpful emotions and difficult feelings about a relationship.

JUDGEMENTS
We appear to be predicated to judge each other. We are naturally gifted at sorting, categorizing and listing. It is very easy to do this with people and in our heads create generalizations about people we meet. We might do this based on someone's sex, race, age, clothing, physical appearance, manners, speech and social skills. None of these factors are relevant to how we can connect to someone through our heart. Judgments reside in our minds.

When I want to create a true connection with another person the more I can be in the moment of using my senses and experiencing that person as he or she is, and the less I am thinking about the person the easier it is to connect.

EXPECTATIONS
In relationships we may expect someone to behave in a certain way due to our cultural upbringing, parents, the media and people who have been influential in our life. The expectations that are created are illusionary and artificial. They are in essence various man made ideas on how someone ‘should‘ or ‘shouldn't‘ be in a relationship. Each person will have his or her own interpretation. As soon as we use the words ‘should‘ or ‘shouldn't‘ we are having an expectation. "You should take me out more," "You shouldn't see your friends so often," "You should be more sensitive."

It is interesting to have relationships that are more based on the quality of interaction rather than our particular interpretation of what people ‘should’ or ‘shouldn't‘ do. Expectations of another greatly increase the risk of upsets, particular when two people have different expectations of each other. Try expressing your feelings rather than having expectations. "I feel happy when we go out together," "I feel lonely when you see your friends without me," "I feel really close to you when you are sensitive to me."

COMPARRISONS
It is very easy to compare ourselves to others and out of this compete. We could claim that comparisons are useful in so far that we might learn something helpful from the person we are comparing ourselves to. At the same time many comparisons simply leads us to connect to a lack of self-esteem, loss of confidence, jealousy, depression, insecurity and a lack of self belief. If any kind of comparison is not constructive, then it becomes self-harming and I would claim creates unhealthy relationships. More than that it takes us away from connecting to other people through our hearts and with love.

ABSOLUTES
When think or talk in terms of absolutes we can read it as a sign that we are basing our thoughts on self-created illusions. Words like ‘never‘ or ‘always‘ are a sign that we are not trying to communicate what we perceive as the truth. A sentence like "You never support me," invites argument, whereas "I feel hurt when I sense you are not supportive" is a statement of truth if that is how the person genuinely feels.

SEVEN TIPS FOR LOVING RELATIONSHIPS
  1. Really listen to people without judging, making assumptions or giving their words other meanings.
  2. Try to engage with another person through the quality of conversation, eye contact and touch.
  3. Practice interacting with people from a feeling of love, contentment and appreciation.
  4. Express your own feelings and talk from your heart rather than make accusations.
  5. It is not always what you say but how you say it that gets heard.
  6. Sometimes you can say everything with a hug, kiss or cuddle.
  7. When you want to communicate something that means a lot to you try writing it out whilst you are feeling calm, loving and connected.


Write from your heart expressing your feelings.

For more information go to Simon's new website http://www.connectiontherapy.co.uk/index.html Simon G. Brown
22 Belsize Square
London NW3 4HT
+44 (0) 20 7431 9897
simon@chienergy.co.uk
http://www.chienergy.co.uk/


FENG SHUI LIFE COACH by SIMON BROWN
EDITORIAL REVIEW: The ancient art of feng shui has long been used to maximise the energy of homes and living spaces. Now expert author Simon Brown shows you how to use the same principles to heal and transform your inner space, just as it works on the rooms in which you live and work. Featuring step-by-step instructions and guidance on defining your goals and becoming sensitive to the energies around you, this indespensible guide also features detailed decor plans for the key rooms in your home - everything you need to maximise the potential of feng shui.


Simon Brown's latest book is Macrobiotics For Life and published by North Atlantic. Here you will find more meditation and healing.

MACROBIOTICS FOR LIFE by SIMON BROWN
EDITORIAL REVIEW: This comprehensive guide to natural living is perfection. Simon Brown gives readers a great place to begin their transformation, with understanding and clear, gentle examination of the theories that are the foundation of macrobiotics. He has left the dogma behind and placed his focus on the beautiful wisdom that makes macrobiotics one of the most powerful life journeys you can imagine. This book is for anyone and everyone with an interest in creating their best life.
Christina Pirello, Emmy Award-winning host of Christina Cooks, best selling cookbook author, and macrobiotics teacher


MODERN DAY MACROBIOTICS by SIMON BROWN
As you eat different foods you take in their energies and these in turn interact with your own internal energies. The resulting new energy may make you feel different emotionally; it may help you to think differently; or it may help lift your spirits. The longer you eat foods with similar energy the deeper and onger lasting this influence will be. Eating macrobiotic foods - primarily whole, living, unprocessed foods, all naturally low on the glycaemic index - can make improvements to health and state of mind. This book presents how to take advantage of this diet, with a range of eating programmes that target specific needs from a one day tone up, to a 4 month healing plan.


PRACTICAL WABI SABI by SIMON BROWN
AMAZON CUTOMER REVIEW: When I read Practical Wabi Sabi by Simon G. Brown out of a budding interest in the subject, I KNEW that I had found a major key to help deal with the constant buzz in our heads, eyes and and ears in this electronic, microwaves, satallite-connected world. Simon offers a way to handle the insanity of modern life in a way other than stuffing ourselves with high corn fructose foods, or other drugs of choice, including 'retail therapy', in a desperate attempt to handle the mounting stresses in our lives. I LOVE this book which truly is practical, enjoyable and even gives a sense of spirituality no matter what your religious background.


Simon's novel The Healer is also now available. This book is a great way to learn more about healing whilst reading an engaging, insightful and thought provoking story.

THE HEALER by SIMON BROWN
"The Healer" presents a life changing philosophy that incorporates Zen Buddhism within a romantic story. It is a new age novel that openly explores the disappointments, excesses and arrogance that can befall a guru as well as the heart warming, healing interactions and profound, positive thoughts that are found within new age movements. This is a thought-provoking story about a young man's transformation from a mundane life to that of a healer and ultimately his starting a new religion. Yet, at the pinnacle of his success, his life is shattered through arrogance and personal tragedy precipitating the painful rebuilding of his new life and new self.
  THIS ARTICLE IS THE LATEST IN SIMON's  FASCINATING SERIES.....
ACID or ALKALINE
An overly acid condition is associated with headaches, arthritis, indigestion and even an increased risk of cancer. There is much speculation that our immune system is less effective when we our too acidic. If you feel unwell and you are also acidic the obvious remedy is make yourself more alkaline.
THE EFFECTS OF THE LUNAR CYCLE ON HUMAN LIFE
There has long been a fascination with the moon and its possible influence on our lives. It may be that rather like waiting for the best tide and winds before sailing across the sea, waiting for the ideal phase of the moon can make our journey in life a little easier sometimes.
THE HUMAN SOUL
The soul can be described as the essence we are born with.In my experience it is our source of love, It is though our soul that we can experience a divine connection. This is where I think some of my interesting insights come from.
JAPANESE TEA CEREMONY
The tea ceremony was used in Japan as part of a ritual that helped both the provider and receiver reach a meditative, contemplative state. The process engages our senses in a way that we can become totally absorbed in the sensation of drinking tea.
WABI SABI
Look no further for the ultimate in stress free, green, spiritual, healthy living. This amazing subject is simply a new way of seeing the world and requires no extra time or special practices. You can enjoy your wabi sabi living whilst enjoying any kind of life.
MEDITATION
One way to overcome this is to calm our mind for a while with meditation. The meditation can be very simple and only needs to take a minute. I find that after a short meditation my mind can be calm for an hour or more after. It is almost like restarting a computer








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